Nate and Me: Our Relationship, Our Struggles, and Where We Are Today
Hiiii, it’s Remi here!
As you all know, Nate is a hugggge part of my life. Not only is he a co-founder of HōmeBodies, but he’s also my soulmate. He is my rock, and he’s a man of his word. He looks really tough and intimidating, but deep down, he’s a big softie. He writes me poems and love letters that make me cry, and I love how he challenges me to always be better.
Before meeting each other, we both were in very different places. Nate served in the Marine Corps Infantry from 2009 - 2014 and was deployed to Afghanistan. At the same time, I was living in Japan for a study abroad program in 2009, graduated college in 2010, and worked at a fashion design company until 2014.
Needless to say, we’re very different people with different backgrounds, but we picked up each other for the better! Our journey hasn’t been perfect — we even broke up for a little bit (more on that later) — but through it all, we’ve learned so much about ourselves, each other, and what love really means.
In this post, I want to share our story with you all and give you some tips on relationships that I’ve learned along the way!
A Little More About Our Backgrounds
Nate and I had VERY different childhoods. My parents hovered over my shoulder until I finished my homework, would never let me go play with friends, and had me going to jazz class, art class, and Japanese school. I didn’t have a weekend because of all the homework I had between Asahi Gakuen (Japanese school) and primary school. I got in trouble for getting B’s, and I felt suffocated by my parents as a kid — even though they always had my best interests in mind.
Nate’s childhood was the opposite. His mom had him when she was super young, and she was at work all day long, working multiple jobs to provide for them. There would often be no food in the fridge, and he would have to go fend for himself. He had ultimate freedom because no one was watching over him. No one told him to brush his teeth or do his homework. He didn’t like school anyway because it was too inside-the-box and boring. He ended up getting a job at 15 and moving out to live on his own. Ever since then, he’s been on his own, and at age 18, he decided to go to war.
While he was at war, I was studying abroad in Japan. I had just turned 21, and I was clubbing on weekends and living my best life. Meanwhile, Nate was in Afghanistan, and after he came back, he was even homeless for a time. We had very different realities, but when we met each other, this made our dynamic more interesting! (P.S. check out this vlog where we share some of our differences!)
I’ve always been the happy-go-lucky, carefree type. I am super positive and can make light of any situation. I am chill and flexible, and it takes A LOT to get me angry. As an Enneagram 9 — a Peacemaker — anger is an emotion I am really not familiar with. This is the opposite of Nate, though. From childhood baggage to war trauma, he had been carrying around a lot of anger inside him that he accepted as part of who he is and never dealt with any of it.
I was drawn to Nate’s energy the moment I met him. It was dark but I could tell that underneath that hard exterior was someone full of love and so kind and sincere. I could tell he had so much love to give but was very, very guarded about it. I had also just come out of a long term seven-year relationship and wanted to tread slow.
So you may be wondering, how did a fitness blogger and former military guy meet and fall in love????
How Nate and I Met (thx Simba)!!!
The short version of the story is SIMBA! But let me explain a little bit more...
After retiring from CrossFit competitions, Nate continued to rescue and train dogs out of his loft. He filled the entire space with about six to seven kennels and worked mainly with German Shepherds and Belgian Malinois who had a history of aggressive behavior. Around this time, I had gotten my lovely dog Simba from my neighbor, and I needed to board him somewhere in LA while I was off on a biz trip in New York. Meanwhile, Nate and I had a mutual dog trainer friend who connected us, and Nate agreed to take care of Simba while I was away.
I drove to his loft to drop Simba off with no real expectations of who this dog boarder guy was — I wasn’t imagining anyone interesting. When I pulled up, Nate walked over to the car, grabbed Simba leash and dog food, didn’t say a word to me, and just walked away. I remember liking his energy though, it made me do a double-take with heart eyes.
So yeahhh lol Nate’s energy definitely took me by surprise! And then, while he was boarding Simba, he sent me this video of him rollerskating with Simba beside him. And honestly, half the screen was just his abs. I’m like, “Okay, hahaha what are you trying to show me here?” Clearly, he was flirting, although Nate denies that to this day!! (Watch this vlog where I show the video and leave a comment if you think he’s flirting too!!!)
He also would send me really cute pictures of Simba and his dog Juno together. He took the time to edit the photos, and it was obvious that he was putting effort into it. A week passed by, and I went to pick up Simba, and I was super excited. A few days later, I slid into his DMs with a video of me rollerskating with Simba and told him that he inspired me to get back into skating.
He responded by saying that if Simba and I ever needed a hiking buddy, he was always down. He says that he was just trying to hang out with Simba because he really liked him — he never thought he had a chance with me.
“I don’t think it had to do with me having interest in you. It had really more to do with [that] I didn’t think there was a chance in all of hell that you would be interested in me.” - Nate
What started off as a casual hiking date with Simba and Juno turned into the best first date I have ever had. I loved the spontaneity. We went on a hike, explored some caves (no, he didn’t try anything creepy lol), and he listened to every word that came out of my mouth. And not only was seeing him handle my dog Simba sexy lol, but his brunch choice was also impressive.
He took me to a neighborhood cafe that I had never heard about and ordered me green eggs and ham, plus some pumpkin pancakes, but made with healthy ingredients. We already had so much in common — he loved nature, he liked to be active, we both have German Shepherds, we both eat healthily, and we both work out. Despite having different backgrounds and personalities, there were a lot of things that initially brought us together!
I was on cloud nine after our first date. All I could think about was when we’d see each other again. We had made plans a week later at a restaurant that he wanted to take me to, but we ended up seeing each other three times in between. The first time we went plant shopping, the second time we walked the dogs around his neighborhood, and the third time we ate food that he brought to my house. It was packaged in a Tupperware with a planner engraved with my name on top and a drawing of Monkey holding knives. That was it, guys. It was game over. I knew I wanted to pursue this, and he was special.
The funny thing is, I pursued him harder than he pursued me. He kept saying, “This was too good to be true,” and, “Why would a girl like me be into a dirty street kid like him?” I liked that he wasn’t the cocky type, and he let me set the tone. Everything felt so effortless. All we wanted to do was spend time with each other, and things moved quickly, but I didn’t mind. It just felt right.
The Break-Up and What We Learned
Some of you already know this, but Nate and I broke up after a few months.
If you didn’t know this, you may be thinking, “WHAT? I thought your relationship started off so well!!”
From the beginning, the chemistry was insane — like FIRE ON GASOLINE. We moved from texting all day to lunch and hiking dates, to home-cooked Tupperware dinners, to moving in together, to getting my name tattooed on his chest — all within the snap of a finger.
Everything felt so right, so effortless, and nothing could stop us. Until it did.
Reality hit. A few months passed, and the baggage we’d been carrying on our shoulders started coming up. I was in a long, toxic relationship right before meeting Nate, and because I didn’t process and learn from it, it affected us in many ways.
Meanwhile, Nate only knew of pain and anger. He had gone to war but never allowed himself to process the tragic deaths in his life. It was all too good to be true. We ended up sabotaging the relationship in our own way because we hadn’t done enough individual work on ourselves yet.
It took us breaking up to realize the internal work we had to do. It was painful, it was messy, and it was not easy. I choke up thinking about it still. But what was on the other side of the pain made it worth every tear.
Oftentimes, People say, “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours.” We grew so much during that time apart and ultimately decided to give it another try.
Now, our relationship is far from “effortless!” We both go to therapy and continue to do the work. Every day is an opportunity for us to communicate better and practice being vulnerable. It’s not always easy, haha, and 2 years later, we still bicker. As someone who is happy-go-lucky and HATES stirring the pot, it takes a lot for me to speak up when there’s an issue, so I’m still learning!
I even used to pride myself on how quickly I “got over” things when in actuality, the frustrations would add up until the day I blew up. Not fair. Not fun. This was part of the uncovering work I did with my therapist. But now, no matter how often we fight or bicker, we talk it through after we’ve calmed down, and we’ve never been happier. <3
Our relationship has matured on a deep level, and now we even work together! He helps me run the YouTube channel, and we’ve just launched HōmeBodies together! We work around the clock, but we are doing what we love together, and we are so grateful. Quarantine in 2020 really proved how compatible we really are — being together 24/7 while also going through some really tough things. Now more than ever, we are committed to doing the work in this relationship and communicating honestly with each other, which brings me to some of my top relationship tips!!!
My Top Relationship Tips!!
First, let me say that I don’t know everything, haha! These tips are just from what I’ve learned in my experience in relationships, and I hope that you find them helpful too!! And as always, if you have relationships tips of your own, I’d love to hear them! Feel free to comment under this post or share them with me on Instagram @rrayyme!
#1: Communicate — Even If It Rocks the Boat
As someone who hates conflict, this has been one I’ve been especially working on. Sometimes when your partner does something to upset you, it’s easy to avoid talking about it because that conversation may produce even more initial conflict. Here’s the thing, though — when you ignore the issue, it continues, and you’ll start feeling resentful of your partner. You have to get the core issue to the surface BEFORE you can do anything about it, and you do this through open and honest communication.
Just the other day, I told Nate not to run the dishwasher, and it exploded into a big fight. We got down to the bottom of it, and it was really about him feeling like I micromanage everything. And the other day, I was so stressed out with work, and I needed more support from him, so I simply opened up about it and asked for help instead of taking out my stress on him. Communication is ESSENTIAL in relationships!
#2: Have Your Solo Time
It’s important to spend time together as a couple, of course, but don’t underestimate the power of solo time! It can be so nice to just be with yourself for a little bit and work on some individual growth. What hobbies do you have that you can invest in alone? For example, Nate started taking on archery, and he always has the hours of 3:00 AM to 5:00 AM to do his morning routine. Personally, I love to go skate with the dogs at sunset or put headphones on and organize a closet (SOOO therapeutic).
Having a set time to do your own thing is so important because it gives you the time to focus on yourself and what you need. If we can’t take care of ourselves, how the heck are we supposed to take care of each other?
#3: Work Towards Something As a Team
When you share a goal with your partner that you can work towards together, it does wonders for your teamwork and improves your communication skills! Recently for Nate and I, this was our workout program HōmeBodies, but before it was raising chickens and building a garage gym! Are there some projects that you and your partner can work on together? Maybe you want to redesign your kitchen, create some custom artwork, or get fit together! There are endless options!!
Want to Hear More???
Thank you so much for reading this post! I hope it provided insight into our relationship and gave you some helpful tips that you can bring into your own romantic life! Nate and I are definitely not perfect, but we’re are striving towards loving each other more every day, and that’s what matters. <3
If you want to learn more about our relationship, including our sexual chemistry, whether or not we want to get married, future kids, and more juicy topics, check out Part 1 and Part 2 of our Ask Us Anything: Remi + Nate series! You can also watch Nate and me in action on HōmeBodies and see how we work as a couple!
And as always, I would love to hear about your relationship tips and stories! And if you’re rocking being single, I’d love to hear about what you’ve been learning about yourself! I am here to support you on whatever journey you’re on!! You can comment below this post or tag me on Instagram @rrayyme!
Thanks again for reading!!! LOVE YOU LOTS!!
